


Metal Flowers

by Flavoredfaeman



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone has issues okay?, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add warning tags and content warning in the chapters as they are needed, M/M, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, also everyone is in this I'm just not tagging them all, commitment issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavoredfaeman/pseuds/Flavoredfaeman
Summary: Jonny isn't going to fall in love.Brian will certainly notice when he falls in love.Aka two idiots are going to need to work some things outWorking title: Flowers and Commitment Issues (thanks Jonny)
Relationships: Drumbot Brian/Jonny d'Ville
Comments: 38
Kudos: 77





	1. Intro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mindsets about love

Jonny wasn't planning on falling in love.

Not just that, he wasn't going to.

Period.

End of discussion.

He was not going to fall in love.

And maybe that's some sad and tragic thing, but not to him.

What's appealing about love anyway?

Jonny had all the people he needed (himself) and cared for (his crew) already.

There's really nothing being in love would give him, other than another ass on the aurora.

Of course there's the problem of others falling in love with him. But as luck would have it his abrasive personality, stubbornness, and his tendency to kill whoever he wished had for the most part kept those problems at bay.

Of course there were the couple of occasions where these weren't enough and someone would try and ask Jonny out. They would end in either the quick termination of whatever relationship the two had, or the person perhaps getting a one night stand.

Generally though, Jonny trusted that love wasn't something he had to deal with.




Brian didn't really think about love.

He didn't really have anything against it, perse, but it wasn't something he cared to focus on.

If asked what he thought of love he'd probably go off on some tangent about the misconceptions about various forms of love and how different relationships are to how one would believe them to be.

If pressed to actually answer the question though, he'd probably say something about how it was probably pleasant enough when done right.

It's unlikely that he'd mention that he's only ever felt platonic love, and then only for his crewmates and the Aurora.

In fact he's not quite sure how he'd tell that he was in love, though he supposes he'll have to find out eventually.

Until then however he might as well continue on and not worry about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are not enough Brian and Jonny fics and certainly not enough long ones so I'm doing what needs to be done and writing this. You're welcome


	2. 1. Then I'll follow you into the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place relatively soon after the events of hnoc so you can imagine the kind of stress that they are under.  
> Jonny tries to mend a friendship.

Laughter and shouting could be heard drifting throughout the Aurora.

Brian found himself smiling as he sat in the pilot's seat, keeping an eye on the Aurora's flight. He had opted for staying out here as the rest of the crew shared some victory drinks and bantered.

The Aurora didn't need looking after of course, but Brian hadn't really been feeling up to hanging out with everyone like that. He hadn't been up for it for a while now, ever since he returned.

What he could handle right then was sitting quietly with Aurora and listening to the distant sounds of his friends having a good time.

Brian had to wince when gunshots fired though, even this far away and with mechanical ears it was an unpleasant noise.

Not too long after the gunshots Brian heard someone walk into the room and he did his best not to stiffen.

He glanced behind himself to see Jonny holding out a bottle of whiskey like an offering.

Brian took it and Jonny moved to pull his own chair up next to him.

"They were being obnoxious so I decided to give you some company," Jonny explained as he took the bottle of whiskey back before Brian had a chance to drink some.

Brian let out a soft laugh, forcing himself to relax. "Yes, well thank you for the whiskey."

Jonny grunted and let Brian take a swig.

  


They sat like that in silence for a while. Just staring at the various screen displays and trading drinks of whiskey.

Better to be silent than to bring anything up they'd later regret.

  


"God this is dull, is this really all you're doing?" Jonny whined, and then reached down to pull out his gun and began to fiddle with it.

"You can always go do something else."

Jonny grunted in response, but didn't get up to go.

Brian felt a small smile fall across his lips.

  


Eventually Brian stretched, making his mechanical joints pop (a rather unpleasant sound). Which seemed to jolt Jonny out of whatever thoughts he was having as he jumped and then glanced at the time.

"Lord, it's been hours."

"Yeah I'm surprised you can shut the fuck up for so long."

"Ha ha  _ ha. _ "

Brian snorted at the look on Jonny's face. The man had scrunched it all up and was sticking out his bottom lip just slightly.

_ Pouting.  _ Jonny D'ville was pouting. (Not truly a surprise but Jonny would never admit it.)

It was damn near hilarious and Brian would certainly laugh if he was in the mood to get shot.

"Maybe you should go get some sleep?" Brian nodded towards the ship's time, 3:26 am.

Jonny glanced at the time again, sighed, chugged the last bit of whiskey (much to Brian's dismay) and got up to go. But he paused as he moved to put his chair away, and rummaged through his pockets. After a couple seconds he pulled out a small flask of something and tossed it to Brian.

"The fuck is this?"

Jonny shrugged noncommittally. "Whiskey, probably?"

Brian eyed the flask wearily. "And how long has this been in your pocket?"

Jonny huffed dramatically and stuck out his hand. "Listen if you don't want it I can take it back."

"No, no, it's not like it's gonna kill me."

Jonny blinked at him for a moment then nodded his head and proceeded to stand there staring at Brian expectantly.

"... Yes?"

"Are you gonna drink it?"

"Oh. Uh yeah I guess I am."

Brian shrugged and popped open the flask and took a swig. To his surprise it wasn't spoiled milk or something of the sorts. It was red wine. Lord only knows what use Jonny had for it (he didn't even like wine) especially in a flask.

"Well? What is it?" Jonny had his arms crossed now and was tapping his foot.

"It's wine, red wine. Did… did you just give this to me to find out what it was?"

Jonny's face flushed at that. "No! Well. Yes. Just wanted to know whether it was something good or not."

"Oh, well it's not half bad for wine."

Jonny looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you like wine then?"

Brian blinked at him, that felt rather out of the blue, didn't it? "I mean sometimes? I'll drink it but I'm not a big fan."

Jonny nodded then snatched the flask out of Brian's hands and ran off.

Brian stared after him in confused silence, trying to make sense of what just happened.

"He must be more drunk than I thought." Was the eventual conclusion, though Brian had to admit it was a rather weak one.

  


Brian jolted from his sleep at an insistent knocking at his door. He ran over and threw said door open in a panic, only to see Jonny.

Or, more specifically, Jonny's hand as the man shoved another flask in Brian's face.

"Drink it."

Still half asleep and thoroughly confused Brian did as he was told. He took a big swig and choked.

"Wh- hakaphthhbt- what the  _ fuck  _ is this? V-vodka? At this hour?"

All he got as a response was Jonny grunting, taking back the drink, and closing the door in Brian's face.

Something was definitely up.

  


This happened several more times over the course of a week.

Jonny would catch Brian alone, thrust a flask in his face, get Brian to say what it was and how he felt about it, and then run off.

Brian was getting rather used to it actually. It was odd, and Jonny flat out ignored any questions about his reasons, but all in all it was a fun little routine the two had made.

It was nice to have a routine again after so long.

Brian didn't react when the door to his room. opened, he just held out one hand as he finished scribbling down some notes.

He did turn his head quickly to look when a high five was quickly delivered to his hand, the sound of flesh smacking metal ringing out.

Ashes was standing next to him, rubbing their hand.

"Wh-what was that?" Brian stuttered, caught rather off guard by the lack of Jonny.

"Well I don't know what you were expecting, holding your hand out like that. Sheesh." Ashes rolled their eyes as if a high five was the only possible response they could have given.

"I mean-well. Honestly I was expecting Jonny to hand me a flask of some new dubious alcoholic beverage."

They stared at him for a couple seconds after that and he swore he could see the wheels turning, until they gave a quick shake of their head.

"I'm not even going to ask. But speaking of our beloved rascal, he's planning on making a stop at an upcoming planet and he wanted you to pop on out with him."

Brian pushed aside his initial burst of confusion and panic, this wasn't like before.

"Oh, um, sure okay. How close is it?"

Ashes made a face and shrugged, "31 hours or so."

"Alright. Is that all then?"

"Hmm yep. Be sure to cause a ruckus down there."

And with that Ashes turned and left, almost certainly not hearing Brian's muttered "I'll do my best to refrain."

  


Soon enough the time came and Brian found himself following Jonny out of the ship.

Lord only knew what Jonny had planned, Brian had stopped trying to get answers out of the man.

The planet was slightly worn down, like it had seen many ages of wars. Those were over for it now though, leaving a small population of folks who looked altogether dreary and tired. 

Brian followed Jonny down a few streets (or alleys? There was certainly no distinction between the two here) until they came to a rundown two story building.

It had big windows on the first floor but they were so dirty they couldn't be seen through. It was made mostly of wood and stone, worn throughout the years and covered in dust and dirt. Above the entrance in old red letters, partially worn away, was the word "BAR." Most notably, the door was chained closed with a sign on it saying something about the bars closure in relation to the war efforts.

"Lord almighty Jonny, don't tell me you dragged me to get a drink at a closed bar."

Jonny gave him a noncommittal shrug and then shot the lock and kicked the door in.

Brian quickly looked around, feeling himself tense up, but thankfully this part of town appeared to be deserted. So, with a deep sigh, Brian followed Jonny into the dark.

  


Inside was unlit, but just enough light came in from the open door and dirt caked windows to navigate by.

Brian carefully walked up to the bar which Jonny had just leaped over, avoiding fallen stools, broken table legs, as well as a few rodents scurrying around.

When Brian reached said bar Jonny had lit two candles and was now rummaging around in the old liquor cabinets.

Brian shook his head and pulled up a stool. He wasn't sure what Jonny was looking for in the bottles but he must've found it because he jumped up and grabbed two glasses.

He peered at them for a moment then with a frustrated sigh he pulled down his sleeve to wipe out (most) of the dust.

Then Jonny opened a bottle and poured a healthy amount into both cups, he slid one over to Brian, and hopped onto the counter to sit.

Brian blinked a couple times and looked down at his drink, then back up at Jonny.

"So. Are you going to tell me what's going on here or am I left to guess?"

"You haven't figured it out yet? Damn I thought higher of you." Jonny continued before Brian could get upset. "But, um, well. We're celebrating the day you were mechanized!"

Jonny waved his hands in a little 'tada' gesture.

"Oh." Brian's eyes widened and he looked down. "Thank you. I-um. Ah, we haven't done that in some time." Brian didn't need to say why, they weren't to forget that sun.

"Yeah…"

There was an awkward moment of silence, Brian thinking about said sun, and Jonny trying to find what to say next.

"Well, drinks are on me," he said at last holding up his glass with a grin.

Brian chuckled and rolled his eyes. "They sure are."

They both drank and something clicked for Brian. It was a damn good bourbon, a lesser quality of which Jonny had made him drink just a few days prior to this.

"Oh shit, was this why you kept making me drink random drinks?"

Jonny's face flushed and chugged the last of his glass down.

"Yeah? I never really bothered to learn what kind of alcohol you liked before and I thought we'd certainly known one another far to long to just ask? But I didn't want to be that ass who just gives you whatever for your celebration, so uh… yeah, yeah I did." Jonny sighed, puffing out his cheeks as he went and refilled his glass.

Brian laughed and shook his head. "I appreciate it Jonny, but just ask next time, alright?"

Jonny grumbled his agreement as he started on his second drink.

  
  


And so the two drank and talked. They joked with each other freely for what truly must've been the first time in a millennium. It was like they both had taken a weight off their shoulders.

Brian wasn't sure what about it made him so happy, but he had truly missed Jonny and was  ~~ overjoyed ~~ glad that they were trying to move past it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter down!!  
> Title is from I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie


	3. 2. You'll Never be What is in Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to Brian's return from the sun where Jonny definitely feels no guilt and then a movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning
> 
> Talk about Brian being abandoned on the sun
> 
> Not detailed and he's a robot but there is talk about the damage done to his body from being on the sun

Jonny didn't feel guilty.

Of course he didn't, he's the damn captain for Christ's sake. He made smart decisions that were good for his crew and if something happened to go wrong it was surely never his fault.

That's what he kept telling himself.

It's not like he'd  _ meant  _ to abandon the damn drumbot on that sun. He hadn't even known the Aurora could leave without Brian piloting it.

Plus, the ship was huge so when he hadn't seen him for a few hundred years he didn't really question it, just thought the chap was avoiding him. Eventually though Tim was complaining about how he couldn't find Brian and everyone mentioned how he hadn't been around in a while. Everyone except Nastya who just shook her head and said, "Of course you can't find him. He's not onboard."

After that point it really just felt like too much of a hassle, after all they had more places to go and it's not like Jonny could remember where the blasted sun was anyway.

They all expected Brian to show back up eventually.

Just… maybe not in the way that he had.

_ Jonny gave a quick look into the bridge, something he'd got in the habit of doing after Brian got left. He liked making sure that everything was running smoothly, even if he wasn't sure what that looked like. _

_ He froze when he looked though, because he thought they were to stop at a planet with a particularly fun looking war on it, not a sun. _

_ It was odd. The Aurora must've changed her destination. _

_ But if that was the case there wasn't anything Jonny could do about it, so he went back on his way. _

_ A couple hours later he heard shouting echoing through the halls, not an uncommon occurrence but something about the yell sent him running towards it. He found himself once again inside the bridge. _

_ Ashes was the source of the shouting, they were now pointing at something outside. Nastya was typing what must have been commands into Aurora. _

_ Everyone else ran in after seconds after Jonny. _

_ "What are you doing?" "What's there?" "What's going on?" "Look!" "There's a 89% chance this isn't good."-Everyone was talking over one another. _

_ Tim was the next one to spot whatever it was outside by the sun, and it stopped him dead in his tracks. "Everyone shut up!!" _

_ And by some bloody miracle everyone did. _

_ Ashes turned around, looking (if Jonny didn't know any better) startled if not the least bit worried. "It's Brian." _

_ The room damn well exploded at that, people were rushing around. _

_ Raph, Ivy, and Marius ran off to fetch equipment. _

_ Nastya was clearly panicked, talking under her breath to the Aurora, begging for the drumbot to be okay. _

_ Tim quickly started talking loudly with Ashes and Toy Soldier, planning how they were going to retrieve the drumbot. _

_ Jonny walked up and stared out the window, it took a moment but after a few seconds of searching he saw him. _

_ Jonny's breath caught in his throat. _

_ Once Brian was brought in Raph set to work immediately. _

_ She hardly knew where to start, he was horribly rusted, parts of him were melted, and he was unresponsive. _

_ She worked first to try and get Brian back online, but after a while it became apparent just how many things needed fixing and how much needed to completely be replaced. _

_ So she removed everything that needed to be completely replaced (with some help) and then got to work trying to make enough things online and functional enough for them to talk with Brian. _

_ This took a few days, and the whole time people were in and out, but Brian was never alone and neither was Raph. _

_ Jonny spent the most time with them. He (would never admit this) fretted. _

_ He paced until Raph scolded him, then he'd sit and fidget with his gun, sometimes getting updates. _

_ Tim seemed to switch between entirely avoiding Brian and refusing to leave his side (Marius mentioned something about past trauma? Jonny wasn't really listening, he was too busy being worried.) _

_ Raph made sure his voicebox was mostly working before connecting the last thing that he needed to wake up. _

_ Brian opened his eyes a crack and Jonny all but lept in joy. _

_ That is, he would've, if Brian hadn't immediately started panicking. _

_ So instead Jonny grabbed Brian's hand and he and Raph talked to him. _

_ It helped. Brian almost immediately relaxed when he realized where he was, that he wasn't alone. _

_ Raph had Brian talk (it was mostly broken sounding but he could talk well enough for now), and do a number of other things that probably helped with something (Jonny wasn't sure what but they seemed important). _

_ Then over the next few weeks Raph worked tirelessly (with the help of Ashes and Ivy) to make Brian new parts. After some talks they decided to upgrade said parts as well, giving Brian what are essentially nerves and adding more voice options into his voicebox, as well as a few others. _

_ During that time Jonny avoided Brian like the plague. He couldn't face the man no matter how many times he said to himself that he was justified in his actions. It was his fault Brian was in this situation now. _

_ Tim stopped avoiding him altogether and in the end probably spent far more time by Brian's side than Jonny had. When Tim couldn't be there, Marius was talking him through the events in the sun, or Nastya talking about other possible upgrades and working on fixing his other nerve endings and such. Even the Toy Soldier spent a good deal of time with Brian, mostly trying to keep his mood up. _

_ Eventually Brian got all his new parts installed and he was once again the ship's pilot. _

Jonny felt his gut twist as he thought about it all again.

They'd been spending more time together now, and for the most part Jonny had stopped trying to avoid Brian.

Jonny also felt like there was a good chance that Brian had forgiven him at the bar a few days ago, but that just made him feel far worse. He didn't deserve Brian's forgiveness, Brian was far too kind to him.

And maybe he didn't deserve it, but Jonny found himself accepting Brian's kindness and forgiveness anyway.

Jonny had never claimed to be a good person and he wasn't going to start now. If Brian offered these sweet things then dammit Jonny was going to take them.

That included hot chocolate apparently.

It was movie night, (a newer tradition among the crew where once a month whoever had died the least got to pick a day's worth of movies and the whole crew watched them together) and Brian had apparently made himself and Jonny hot chocolate.

Jonny stared at Brian's outstretched hand, trying to figure out what exactly he was trying to accomplish here.

"Jonny," Brian sighed, stretching out more insistently. "It's hot chocolate and it's for you, just take it."

At his insistence Jonny did take it and cautiously took a sip.

It was some damn good hot chocolate and Jonny made a hum of approval before scooching over on the couch to make room for the Drumbot.

Said Drumbot gave Jonny a funny look, something between fondness and surprise, before grinning and plopping down next to him.

Something about it made Jonny's mechanical heart flutter in a way that would be worrying if Jonny was not suddenly distracted by Tim slamming a door open.

"Who's ready for movie night!!" He hollered before taking a running jump at a beanbag.

There was a chorus of "ayes" and Ashes (who had won the last few times because they were competitive as all hell… and also they kept killing people who were lower in death counts than them) went to type the first movie into the monitor.

They all settled in, Tim was spread out on a bean bag, Ivy was leaning against said beanbag, Raph was sitting in a loveseat with TS in her lap, Nastya was circled up on the floor with a huge comforter and a pillow, Ashes was lounging on a second beanbag, and Marius was laying on his side on several pillows with a thin but soft blanket draped over him.

There was always a pile of blankets and pillows in the corner by the screen as everyone ended up falling asleep at some point. There were also several bowls of popcorn with various people, as well as miscellaneous other snacks and drinks.

Throughout the night they watched loads of movies, most of which were action (no surprise there, these were Ashes picks after all).

About halfway through the Aurora kicked the air temp down to 65 and everyone found themselves under blankets. Unfortunately Nastya was using three, and everyone else was using one which meant that Jonny and Brian were left sharing one blanket.

Jonny grumbled a bit about it, not exactly thrilled to share anything but at least it was the biggest blanket. (And it was something he could do for Brian, which helped.)

Jonny was not surprised to find that Brian was absolutely frigid and  _ absolutely did not _ jump when they leaned on one another.

After that Jonny, without a doubt, did not grab the stupid piece of brass' hands and start rubbing them with his own to try and warm them.

He would never lean up against Brian like that either.

They definitely did not end up just holding hands. Jonny doesn't do that.

But Jonny might have fallen asleep against the fucker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is when things get fun!  
> Thank y'all so much for all your comments and kudos!!!  
> Title is from Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons


	4. 3. Right in Front of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian comes to a few startling realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings:  
> Mentions of disassociation, the start of a disassociation episode (written by someone who struggles with it)  
> Lots of over thinking and assumptions  
> Minor self isolation and avoiding problems  
> Drunk character for a little while, the drinking is not pictured  
> Coughing up flowers, not graphically  
> (Let me know if you want/need any other warnings!)

Brian only started really worrying when Jonny fell asleep.

When Jonny had jumped after leaning against Brian, he had felt pretty bad and started debating letting Jonny use the whole couch and just lay on the floor as an apology.

Then Jonny just full on grabbed his hands and started rubbing them, trying to warm them? Which made Brian's heart squeeze in an unfamiliar but not unpleasant way.

After that Jonny adjusted to be full on leaning against the drumbot. Said drumbot was pretty sure his processors shut off for a minute after that.

After a few minutes he just stopped trying to process this sudden affection and realized that Jonny was just holding Brian's hands.

Brian could handle all that well enough, he just had to enjoy it without thinking too much about (or else questions he didn't quite understand or know the answers to would start banging around in his head).

But then Jonny fell asleep and that was not something Brian could just not think about.

Should Brian wake him? Not right now, Jonny certainly needed the rest if he was able to fall asleep against a metal man, plus it might embarrass him if the others realized.

What about in the morning then? Jonny might think that he made Brian uncomfortable, and Jonny wasn't a big fan of being woken up anyway.

So no waking Jonny up.

Should Brian also get some sleep? He couldn't see a reason Jonny wouldn't be okay with him also getting some rest and it might reduce the embarrassment of the ordeal.

Brian would go to sleep later.

Should Brian ask Jonny how he managed to fall asleep on a brass man? Nope no no definite no.

Should Brian take his hands out of Jonny's? He didn't want to make Jonny uncomfortable, but what if Jonny wanted to keep holding his hands?

…

Well Jonny's grip tightens when Brian pulls away so Brian guessed that that meant he was not to let go of Jonny.

Brian sat for a while, no longer asking himself questions, but also not watching the movie.

Eventually it reoccurred to him that Jonny was sleeping, on him, while holding his hand. Jonny was now unconsciously snuggling closer to him, practically circled up against Brian and almost in his lap.

Oh.

Well.

It was unbearably cute now then. Wasn't it.

Brian wished he could just run off, or move Jonny, but he had already decided that that was definitely a no go in mje.

He just needed to pay Jonny no mind but even as he tried to focus on the movie his mind kept drifting to the way Jonny clung to his hands. It made his chest hurt (? It wasn't painful but it felt tight in an odd way) and it filled him with the desire to hold Jonny.  Forever .

It also filled him with this sense of joy and luck, to be able to be near this man, to talk to him, and to hold his hand, it was all a privilege. Brian was so lucky to get to know this man.

Eventually Brian fell asleep as well, and slept fitfully, though what he called sleep was certainly different from what Jonny called sleep. It was closer to powering off, he rarely had dreams, and if he was to dream of something it tended to be a prophecy type thing or memories fused together in a weird unsettling way. Luckily that night he had none.

When Brian awoke it was slowly, he became aware bit by bit.

He first realized that though he had fallen asleep upright he was now laying across the couch. Then he realized he was spooning Jonny.

He laid with his back against the back of the couch, one arm under his head, and the other around Jonny, still holding his hand.

His internal clock said it was a little after 10.

Brian had already come to terms with not waking up Jonny and so he just laid still, and appreciated the extra rest he didn't usually allow himself.

As he laid there he noticed that no one else was left in the room, seemingly all of them having awoken before Jonny and himself.

After some time Jonny's breathing became shallower and he started moving about slightly, stretching and stubbornly trying to get in the last few moments of fitful rest.

Brian could pinpoint the exact moment he realized they were accidentally cuddling as Jonny completely tensed.

Then, unexpectedly, he relaxed, rolled over (letting go of Brian's hand and keeping his eyes shut probably out of pure spite), and buried his face in the Drumbot.

Said Drumbot absolutely blanked on where to go from there.

"Uh," was all he could manage.

Jonny replied with an incoherent noise and persistently buried himself deeper in Brian's arms.

After a few moments Brian managed a weak, "What was that?"

Jonny reached his hand up and lightly bapped Brian in the face, then slowly dragged his hand down until it covered Brian's mouth. He held it there for a moment, trying to get a message across, then pulled back and wrapped his arms back around Brian.

Taking this as a cue to shut up, Brian rolled his eyes and adjusted to properly wrap his arms around Jonny (who did not make a happy sounding noise and didn't snuggle closer).

After roughly a half hour (by Brian's internal clock) Jonny curled in on himself a wee bit, and then stretched. He let go of Brian and promptly rolled onto the floor.

Brian gasped and was quickly half off of the couch, his legs and waist still on but the rest being held above the floor by a firmly planted hand.

"Good lord Jonny, are you alright?!"

Jonny stretched again, and Brian's mind was quick to compare it to a cat who's been lounging in the sun. Then Jonny blinked up at Brian for a few moments.

"J-Jon-" Brian started, but he was cut off by Jonny quickly stretching up to plant a kiss on his forehead.

Jonny then scrambled out from under him and ran out the door without a word.

…

Brian was dumbfounded to say the least.

Brian was sat in the Bridge a few hours later, trying to figure out what had happened and how to get his heart to stop racing everytime he thought about it.

He'd think he was having a panic attack if he'd never had one before, they felt different. This wasn't panic, it was something else.

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, he was going to have to ask someone.

Jonny was an obvious no, 1 Brian was pretty sure he was avoiding him, and 2 if it had to do with Jonny it'd be best to tell him after Brian had the facts straight.

Raph would potentially experiment on him if it wasn't normal. No.

Tim would, well, Tim just wasn't good to ask about this. No.

Nastya would almost certainly tell Jonny. No.

Ashes gave decent enough advice with some things but Brian was worried they'd tell him to go burn down a world and he really wasn't in the mood. No.

Toy Soldier probably wouldn't be much help. A last resort.

Marius was technically the ship's doctor/therapist, so it would be reasonable to go to him. Maybe.

Ivy would certainly know, though there was always the chance she'd also frighten him with other possible diagnostics and what he might have. His best bet.

Now, with a plan in mind, he went off in search of Ivy.

Brian found Ivy having lunch in one of the many common rooms with, as luck would have it, Marius.

Brian hadn't even considered asking two of them.

"Afternoon!" Marius said with a wave and a bright grin. "Would you like some food?"

"Hello!" Brian sat down, "No, I think I'm okay, I do have a question for the two of you though."

"Oh?" Marius straightened and set down the sandwich he'd been eating.

Ivy sighed and placed a bookmark in her book and set it down looking at Brian expectantly.

"Uh well…" Brian suddenly realized he had no clue where to start.

"There's a 89% chance that this is about Jonny." Ivy tilted her head to the side, "And if it is there's a 97% chance it's about last night and this morning."

Brian sighed, that was as good a place as any, and with that he recounted what all had happened with Jonny since he woke up and his weird heart thing.

At the end Marius set his head in his non mechanized hand and Ivy blinked at him.

"Oh no," dread filled Brian's stomach, "I'm dying aren't I?"

And at that Marius started cackling, drawing a slight chuckle and shake of the head from Ivy.

"This isn't the politest way to word this, and for that you'll have to forgive me. Brian, you complete moron, you are 98.99% certainly not dying of any disease. You have romantic feelings towards Jonny."

Brian blinked, relieved that he wasn't dying, but, what?

Marius shook his head with a final snort and said, "You love Jonny, of course you love Jonny."

Brian must've been malfunctioning, he felt frozen to the spot. "No, that's not right I can't be."

Brian would  _ know _ if he was in love, you can't just miss that.

Marius looked surprised, "Are you saying you didn't know? Brian we've all known, for fucking ages. Since before Camelot even."

No. That. That can't be right.

Brian started replaying every interaction he'd had with Jonny over and over in his head, reanalyzing how he felt and what he thought at the times.

"I can't-I would've noticed," Brian insisted, shaking his head, panic bubbling up.

He couldn't have just not noticed, but with every passing moment, with every memory, with every feeling he's ever had for Jonny, it's seeming more and more likely.

Every soft smile he found himself smiling, every warm moment, every little flutter, the joy that filled him when Jonny laughed, looking in a mirror to make sure he looked his best before seeing his first mate, it all seemed now to point to one conclusion.

Brian loved Jonny.

Brian was in love with Jonny.

Brian was having a panic attack.

When Brian blinked back to himself he was lying on the floor, Marius on one side and Ivy on the other. Brian realized he had been switched to ejm.

He sighed and closed his eyes to stop looking at their worried faces.

"I love Jonny fucking D'ville. I've loved him forever and you guys didn't tell me."

"I think you'll find we did, just now."

Brian gave Ivy a look, "You know what I meant."

She smirked and shrugged.

Marius, still looked a bit fretful, so Brian let him help him up.

After he was standing again Brian gave Marius a smile and a single pat on the shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Marius still looked quite troubled and Brian was quick to reassure him, lying was worth it to make his friends feel better.

"Oh yeah, I'm okay. A little bit of a shock is all," Brian shrugged and gave Marius an apologetic smile.

Ivy piped up, "There's a 78% chance you're lying Brian."

Marius gave Brian a look of worry twinged with mild annoyance.

Brian sighed. "Okay I'm not sure yet, I need to come to terms with it I think. Think everything through rationally and grow used to it."

Brian averted his eyes, he really didn't want to see his friend's looks of pity.

"I'm gonna go, do that. Have a pleasant day."

Brian was out of the door before they could reply.

Brian could've been found later that day lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.

In love.

In love with Jonny D'ville.

Apparently obviously in love with Jonny D'ville, which means that everyone probably already knows.

Everyone.

Including Jonny.

Brian sat up from his bed when he realized it.

Jonny had to have known.

At first he felt his heart leap in his chest, he wouldn't have to go through the ordeal of telling him!

Then it sunk when the next thought hit him, Jonny knew and hadn't made any moves or even mentioned it.

If Brian's heart wasn't damn well stuck in place he was sure it would've dropped to his feet.

Jonny didn't love him back.

Brian didn't like the way that made him feel.

It wasn't like they'd ever been anything so why did it feel like he'd lost something vital. Jonny was still here, their friendship still real and true, even with these realizations. There was nothing there to grieve.

Despite telling himself that, Brian felt himself getting choked up and laid back down on his bed, his arms hiding his eyes and the tears that he let fall.

Brian spent the next month or so either in the Bridge or in his room. He only purposefully avoided Marius, Ivy, and Jonny, but he managed to hardly interact with anyone else as well.

He tried really hard not to think about it anymore, but it was really difficult in mje. He believed lying was wrong, and he could only very rarely do an omission of the truth, and this included in his mind. It felt like not thinking about it, and pretending he was okay was a lie, so he couldn't do it in mje without a long inner debate about the morality of what he was doing.

So Brian stayed on ejm for the most part.

It was after the first month that something strange happened to Brian.

He was walking through the ship at night, it was a good way of stretching his legs with only the minor fear of having to run into someone.

After a few hours Brian found himself outside the practice room, where the sound of singing could be heard.

The door was cracked open and when he peered inside he saw Jonny, hunched over a paper scribbling something down and then singing a little tune or a line of a new song and then continuing to write.

Jonny's hair was messed about, sticking out every which way, he was sticking his tongue out just a little as he wrote, his eye makeup was smudged about, and his clothes were in disarray.

Brian felt his heart squeeze in an unfortunate manner and he found himself glad he was on ejm.

After far longer than Brian meant to stand there Jonny rubbed his eyes and stretched, and when he did so he saw Brian.

His face lit up.

Brian was pretty sure he had melted to the spot cause when Jonny scrambled out of his seat to greet Brian he stood stock still.

"Hey!! I haven't seen you in a bit!" Jonny grinned and bumped Brian's shoulder, "The fuck have you been up to?"

Brian blinked, suddenly finding himself capable of speech again. "Oh-uh, just the usual. Piloting, practicing guitar, you know how it is."

Jonny nodded and tilted his head to the side, leaning against the door frame, and Brian realized with a start that Jonny's face was flushed and there were a few bottles next to where he'd been working.

Jonny was drunk.

"You haven't been avoiding me?"

Correction: Jonny was  _ very _ drunk.

"No!" Brian said, ya'know, like a liar. "I've just been kinda preoccupied, and, well, in and out." At least that wasn't a lie, Brian had been disassociating a lot recently.

Jonny nodded, his head still to the side.

"'M sorry."

"Don't worry about it! What're you working on?" Brian changed the subject, trying not to think about the way Jonny was looking at him (pityingly).

Jonny looked back at his desk and shrugged. "Jus' playin' 'roun' with somethin'…"

Brian did his best not to giggle at Jonny's slurred speech. "I think you should probably get some rest."

Jonny quickly looked back to him, scowling in a way that made Brian's heart hurt.

"You're one to talk, mfuckin' up at ungo'ly hours walkin' 'roun' 'n shit."

Jonny blinked hard at him and Brian rolled his eyes and held out his hand.

"C'mon, you're exhausted and drunk. I'll walk you to your room." Brian hadn't meant to say that last bit but, well, Jonny probably wouldn't remember this anyway.

Jonny sighed and instead of taking Brian's hand he pushed himself off the door frame and into Brian, leaning most of his weight into the Drumbot.

Brian, to his credit, didn't let Jonny fall to the ground and didn't fully go into gay panic. Instead he sighed and picked up Jonny and proceeded to carry him bridal style down to Jonny's room.

Jonny, surprisingly enough, didn't seem too upset about it, choosing to bury his face into Brian's shirt.

When Brian reached his door he paused and looked down at the man, "Want me to set you down here?"

Jonny shook his head, still burying it in Brian's shirt.

So he carefully shifted Jonny so that he could open the door and did his best not to step on any of the belts and knives that littered the floor (there was a good deal of other things on it as well, but Brian didn't mind stepping on them).

He carefully set Jonny down on the mess of a bed and Jonny looked hard at the ceiling, his face even more flushed, from embarrassment this time.

Brian wasn't able to stop himself as he reached out and ruffled Jonny's hair. Jonny immediately gave Brian a glare, but there was no real venom behind it.

"Good night," Brian said, pulling back and giving Jonny a fond smile.

Brian almost certainly imagined it, but he could've sworn that for a moment Jonny had smiled back, but before Brian could process it it was gone.

Jonny stuck his tongue out at Brian and rolled over, burying his face in his pillows.

And with that Brian left, closing the door softly behind him.

After that Brian went up to the Bridge, where he sat in pleasant silence with Aurora.

After a while though, the joy that filled Brian when getting to see and talk to Jonny, faded. And Brian felt more defeated than he had when he first realized Jonny didn't like him back.

It was then that another feeling filled him.

Panic.

It took Brian a moment to realize why but then it hit him.

He couldn't breathe.

Brian wasn't sure why this filled him with such a sense of dread as he didn't technically need to breathe. But sure enough he was panicking and he felt like he was choking.

Then Brian started coughing. Hard.

After what felt like forever he coughed something up, and he could suddenly breathe again.

That something was a flower. It was red and looked a great deal like the flower on his hat, and it was covered in oil.

Brian blinked at it.

It lay there in his hands, unmoving.

Brian really didn't know what to do with it.

He knew it must've been what was making it hard to breathe but he had no clue how it had gotten in him in the first place. He also couldn't understand why he felt like he was choking, it wasn't like he needed air so how could a lack of it kill him?

He momentarily considered going to Ivy to see if she had any idea but he'd been avoiding her for the most part and he wasn't sure he needed to know badly enough to break that.

He then considered Raph but he  _ really _ didn't want to get dissected so that was also a no go.

After a little while he decided that he didn't need to know, it was probably just a one time thing anyway and if it wasn't he could always ask later.

And at that Brian straightened his outfit and tucked the flower into his pocket, to be forgotten about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a long one! And now we can get into the fun stuff!  
> Title is from I Found by Amber Run


	5. 4. I Said One Billion Foolish Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny figures a few things out and comes to worrying conclusions.  
> Featuring our dear Nastya with exposition!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw:  
> Canon typical violence but only a little (Just Jonny being himself and shooting people but not graphic)  
> Coughing and coughing up flowers  
> Mentions of Raph's unethical experiments  
> Jonny gets mildly nauseous instead of feeling his emotions  
> Talk of the disease's danger and the risks of getting rid of it
> 
> Lmk if you want me to add anything!!

The bad news was that Jonny was pretty sure Brian was avoiding him. Which was  _ fine,  _ it was fine, Brian could do what he wanted.

It was just that he felt like Brian had started avoiding him after that movie night. But Jonny wasn't sure because  _ he'd _ been avoiding Brian after the movie night.

It only occurred to him that Brian could've been doing that same about a week after the incident, when Jonny felt his pride was repaired enough to look Brian in the eyes, and he found that Brian still remained nowhere to be found.

He also had some vague drunken memory of talking to Brian and felt Brian might've said he hadn't been avoiding Jonny but it was all heavily muddled by alcohol.

The good news was that it was movie night, and Brian had actually gotten killed the least, which meant he was guaranteed to show up.

Everyone was getting comfy and Jonny found himself curling up into the side of the couch with a bottle of whiskey, making room for Brian.

Brian who walked in, put in a movie, and sat down on the floor in front of the couch.

Jonny debated kicking Brian in the head and then demanding what was up with him, but decided against it.

Jonny could understand being uncomfortable after an accidental cuddle session and he could also understand wanting to prevent it. Jonny didn't particularly mind the cuddling when all was said and done, but he was just cool like that.

Not that Brian wasn't cool or anything-

Jonny shook his head, dislodging the train of thought. He didn't know where it was going and he certainly didn't want to find out.

Point was, Brian was here, in the same room with Jonny.

It was nice.

Not being avoided that is.

It was definitely better, Jonny felt like he hadn't seen Brian's face in  _ ages _ and he still couldn't really right now but Jonny knew it was right there which was comforting on some level.

Jonny realized he was staring and made himself look at the movie, some pretty animated thing with rolling hills and delicious looking food, though he didn't take any of it in. His mind kept wandering to the metal man that sat below him.

Jonny sat and drank and didn't even try not to think about Brian. It's not like anyone was going to know and Jonny was half drunk, so it really just felt easier to let his thoughts do what they felt like.

Eventually Jonny drifted to sleep, cuddling up against his then empty bottle of whiskey.

Jonny awoke at some ungodly hour, that honestly felt more like a time he'd go to sleep than wake up.

Why in the name of this hell ship was he awake?

After a few moments Jonny got out of his head and realized what it was.

The sound of coughing could be heard from the outside of the room?

Jonny blinked hard and looked around the room, Brian was the only person missing which meant Brian was coughing?

Why the hell was Brian coughing at this hour???

Jonny scurried up and towards the door, his hand on his gun. His brain wasn't quite caught up to the situation but Jonny figured shooting Brian should make him shut the fuck up.

Jonny opened the door and pulled his gun on Brian, who jumped badly. He looked over, eyes wide, and hands held down from his mouth. There were small red flowers in them.

What?

Jonny blinked at Brian, his gun arm faltering.

Brian stared back, panic clear on his face.

Brian… flowers… he was coughing… coughing up flowers? Did he… did he eat?

"Why did you eat flowers?" Jonny asked, some part of him cursing himself out.

"I didn't?" Brian gave Jonny a look.

"Oh."

And at that Jonny shot him.

Then he went back to bed, in his room this time.

It was about noon when Jonny got up again.

He dragged himself out of bed and into the kitchen, all but having forgotten what happened earlier that day.

He grumbled a hello to Raphaella who was seated at the table inspecting something and swinging her legs.

Jonny grabbed a cold pancake and shoved it in his face as he made himself coffee. Then he sat down, with another pancake and leaned over to look at what Raph was working on (nosy as ever).

Raph, pulled whatever it was away, then looked about the room conspiratorially.

"Wassit?" Jonny asked, pouting slightly.

She smiled and gestured him closer, then she held up a couple small red flowers.

They were about the size of a penny, had a tiny bit of some weird liquid on them (oil Jonny's brain supplied), and, upon close inspection, were made up of metal.

"I found these in Brian's jacket pocket!" Raph's face was alight with mischief and she was grinning.

Jonny repressed his urge to ask her why she had been going through Brian's jacket pockets and instead nodded, then he looked back down at them, trying to figure out why they looked so familiar when it hit him.

Brian coughed these up. Ooh. That's probably something Jonny should worry about.

"I think Brian's learning how to make flowers?" Raph said squinting down at them. "I'm not sure what he's doing to make or maybe grow them? I'm gonna have to do some tests on them… but isn't that cool?"

Jonny almost considered telling Raph but that certainly wouldn't end up going well, she'd probably try and do some experiments on Brian.

"Uh yeah I guess." Jonny pulled away from the flowers, suddenly feeling nauseous.

He quickly slammed the rest of his coffee and then walked off to try and find Nastya, he had some questions.

When Jonny did find her, Nastya was in the engine room sewing up a relatively new hole in her jacket.

"Nastya I'm in crisis." Jonny plopped down the pillows next to her, burying his face in them.

Nastya sighed and carefully set aside her sewing project before pulling a pin out and poking Jonny aggressively with it. He pulled back and stuck his bottom lip out and peered up at her.

"Wassat for?"

"The Cain instinct." They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Nastya continued, "Anywho, what is your crisis Jonny?"

He huffed and avoided her intense gaze, "What do you do when you see someone coughing up flowers… and then shoot them?"

There was silence and after a minute or so he looked up to see Nastya with an expression of mild confusion and worry.

"Did… they eat the flowers?"

"Apparently not."

She looked down for a moment deep in thought when Aurora made a slight humming noise and her head jolted up. "Ah of course! Let us ask Ivy why someone would cough up flowers and from there we can decide what to do."

Jonny nodded but made no move to rise, "No it'll be too suspicious if we do it, you go and make something up?"

Nastya gave him a look, then sighed, shaking her head. "Fine, but you have to finish sewing my jacket."

Nastya was up and out of the room before Jonny could whine in protest.

He did sew up the hole, and then resew a few looser buttons for good measure.

Nastya walked back in just as he finished up. She speed walked across the room, carefully sat down on her nest of pillows, and then turned to Jonny with a concerned look.

"Just who did you see coughing up flowers?"

Jonny did Not like anything about that, but the sudden intensity of the situation stopped him from avoiding the question.

"It. It was Brian."

Nastya searched his face, checking for signs that he was lying, and then looked down with a sigh.

"That's. Not ideal."

"Jesus Nastya, this is getting really cryptid, what's going on?"

Nastya gave him an annoyed look and then rubbed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"There's only one disease in Ivy's records that's known to cause the coughing up of flowers. It's called Hanahaki Disease, and it's caused when someone has an intense unrequited love. It's not something that can happen to everyone though, it's only been known to happen to people from select planets."

Nastya paused to take another breath, then looked down in thought. "I'm not sure how Brian could've gotten it unless… oh christ, unless  _ she  _ programmed it into him."

Jonny suppressed a shudder as he processed everything. She had done horrible things to all of them, but she'd had a particularly fun time doing seemingly random things to Brian's mechanism. It was definitely something the damned woman would do.

They sat in silence for a bit, Nastya seemingly deep in thought, and Jonny trying to figure out why felt so nauseous all of the sudden.

Then something hit him.

"Nastya…"

"Hm?"

"Do you think Brian knows?"

Nastya looked back up at that and worried her lip.

"I mean it's a possibility? It's not like any of us are prone to talking about our feelings, and, well, there's a very good chance that Brian is in love with one of us which would make talking about it extra unappealing."

"Oh." Jonny blinked.

Of fucking course Brian was in love with one of them, but the thought still made Jonny worryingly nauseous.

"Well what do we do then?"

"Well. Ah. I'm concerned that this could be dangerous for Drumbot's continued functionality. The flowers start growing in the lungs which are right next to his heart, and I'm not sure of the effects they could cause."

Jonny rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Couldn't we just, I don't know? Remove the flowers?"

"Potentially, yes, but they will likely return and it may be troublesome to do a removal as often as may be needed. I could also always try and find and remove the programming but that could be incredibly dangerous. Plus we just fully rebuilt him and the programming is still there so it may not be removable."

Jonny groaned and flopped backwards. "So what the fuck do we do Nastya?"

"Well I think the safest route is either getting him over his feelings, or at least get him to address them."

Jonny sat up and gave Nastya a look, with an alarming gleam in his eye and a bastard smile.

"I get the feeling that I am not going to like what you're about to do."

"Oh ye of little faith! Just you watch, our dear Drumbot will be back to normal in no time!"

With that Jonny ran out of the room, leaving Nastya alone.

She sighed and leaned into Aurora, "What do you think?"

Aurora hummed faintly and Nastya nodded.

"It'll certainly be interesting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from It's Alright by Mother Mother  
> Thanks for reading!! I'm excited for the next chapter haha  
> I love your comments y'all are so nice!!
> 
> You can also find me @Flavoredfaeman on insta and tiktok!


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